I recently went to the BMV to update my address and get the new SecureID. Once they had sorted through my many pieces of identification and determined that I am indeed who I claim to be, it was picture time.
Now I may have been lucky, but I've never had a truly awful photo ID. It's not that I'm super photogenic and every shot is stellar, but I had always managed to avoid appearing like a criminal or terrorist or psych ward escapee.
Until this time.
I think the problem started when I wasn't allowed to smile showing teeth. This left me to choose between looking stern and trying to muster a not-too-moronic grin. The result? She caught me mid-decision, and I'm sporting a smirking half-smile that makes even me want to slap the smirk off of my face.
It goes downhill from there.
I was mid-blink when she took the shot, so I give the appearance of having shown up at the BMV in a drunken stupor. Plus, she cropped it so tightly that my face fills the frame, giving me a decidedly moonpie-esque appearance.
So there it is: drunken, smirking moonpie. Not three words that I want any part of.
It's bad enough to see the picture myself or show my id at the airport, but what I truly fear is that something will happen and my horrible, round face will be on the nightly news. If I were wanted for a crime (not that I expect this to happen!), I'd look guilty as sin, and if I were missing, I'd look like someone society could decidedly do without.
I've never thought of myself as overly vain, but I've become obsessed with somehow getting a new ID. Maybe this one needs to be lost in a fire or "accidentally" fall into the shredder.
Of course, I could stop worrying about something so trivial, grow into a person who doesn't care about appearances, and wait until it expires in 2012.
Hmm ... where are the matches?