7.29.2010

My not-so-marvelous moonpie

I recently went to the BMV to update my address and get the new SecureID. Once they had sorted through my many pieces of identification and determined that I am indeed who I claim to be, it was picture time.

Now I may have been lucky, but I've never had a truly awful photo ID. It's not that I'm super photogenic and every shot is stellar, but I had always managed to avoid appearing like a criminal or terrorist or psych ward escapee.

Until this time.

I think the problem started when I wasn't allowed to smile showing teeth. This left me to choose between looking stern and trying to muster a not-too-moronic grin. The result? She caught me mid-decision, and I'm sporting a smirking half-smile that makes even me want to slap the smirk off of my face.

It goes downhill from there.

I was mid-blink when she took the shot, so I give the appearance of having shown up at the BMV in a drunken stupor. Plus, she cropped it so tightly that my face fills the frame, giving me a decidedly moonpie-esque appearance.

So there it is: drunken, smirking moonpie. Not three words that I want any part of.

It's bad enough to see the picture myself or show my id at the airport, but what I truly fear is that something will happen and my horrible, round face will be on the nightly news. If I were wanted for a crime (not that I expect this to happen!), I'd look guilty as sin, and if I were missing, I'd look like someone society could decidedly do without.

I've never thought of myself as overly vain, but I've become obsessed with somehow getting a new ID. Maybe this one needs to be lost in a fire or "accidentally" fall into the shredder.

Of course, I could stop worrying about something so trivial, grow into a person who doesn't care about appearances, and wait until it expires in 2012.

Hmm ... where are the matches?

7 comments:

Craig Miyamoto said...

You need to move to Hawaii. At least over here they let you see your photo before they etch it permanently onto your license for all eternity.

So .... are you going to post your picture? Huh? Huh?

Rebecca said...

No way, no how, never never never. ;)

casch said...

Becca, you had me laughing out loud!

mheidelberger said...

Did you have to take your glasses off? They made me when I got mine renewed. I recently moved to New York, and I am paranoid as to what is in store for me when I try to get a license here...

Rebecca said...

Matt ~ I did have to take my glasses off. Congrats on the move! I'll miss your photos of Indy, but I'm sure you'll have plenty of subject matter in NYC.

Adrian said...

That was a very funny posting, I was literally laughing out loud! First time visiting your site too.

-Mendebar

P.S Where's my jelly donut?

Rebecca said...

Thanks Mendebar! :) Donut? Muhahahaha!